2nd Test, Day 3: The South African Desire to Humiliate England Could Just Rebound on Them

 

2^nd Test, Day 3: The South African Desire to Humiliate England Could Just Rebound on Them

July 16^th 2017

On the face of it, today has been every bit as humiliating as anything dished out by Bangladesh or India during the winter. However, there is just a hint that South Africa may have been too greedy. For much of the day South Africa’s batsmen accumulated runs without fuss. There is no great devil in the pitch: the odd ball misbehaved, but Elgar, Amla, du Plessis and Philander scored with no great difficulty. Until the late slog added 61 in 10 overs, the run-rate was kept well in check. England stuck to their task; South Africa scored at exactly 3-an-over.

There were two likely outcomes: a South African declaration, leaving England a huge target, or South Africa to be bowled out. One school of thought was that with so much time left no declaration was likely much before Lunch on Day 4. On this scenario an England win would be utter ruled out with a target of close to 600 in 5 sessions. With no rain likely until Wednesday, the risk of England escaping with a draw seemed negligible. However, with conditions seeming likely to get better for batting as the weather improved and the groundsman suggesting that the pitch would flatten-out under the Sun, there was the danger that the bowlers might be made to work a lot harder than necessary for victory. The alternative was to declare in the evening: give the bowlers a short burst against an exhausted England side, hopefully take a couple of wickets and come back refreshed in the morning with a still new ball and finish the job. A declaration 45 minutes before the Close would have left England chasing an unlikely 400+ and with a really difficult session to survive.

Faf du Plessis went, though, for an intermediate course, something that was neither fish nor fowl. A large slog for runs, allowing Moeen Ali to take his series haul to 14 at a modest average of 15.1, which only made one wonder more why he did not get more bowling in the match (in contrast, the declared #1 spinner has 5 wickets @ 33.8 in the series), followed by a late declaration, allowing just 4 overs at the openers. In that brief time Cook was given out LBW, reviewing successfully and there were two other huge LBW shouts. Du Plessis must have felt that with two or three more overs he could have removed one or both openers and made England’s difficult task almost impossible.

Instead, England will come back in the morning, all wickets remaining, with a tiny bubble of hope. If Cook and Jennings can give England a good start and allow the Sun to work on surface, batting should get easier and not harder. Just taking the match into the fifth day would be a victory of sorts. Whatever happens, England must make South Africa work for every wicket and show the fight that they did not show in the first innings.

If truth be told though, the most likely result is that South Africa win some time after Tea on Day 4.

England v South Africa, 2nd Test, Day 2: Roobish!!!

 

2^nd Test, Day 2: Roobish!!!

July 15^th 2017

The seamers delivered 75 overs – 450 balls on Day 1. Just 24 would have hit the stumps. That was a pretty damning statistic as it almost ruled out bowled and LBW as means of dismissal. It helped South Africa score far more than they should have done on Day 1. When Jimmy Anderson got his length right and scythed through the South African tail you feared for the England reply. Be very afraid! And when the batting lacks discipline and application, wickets are offered and not earned, the result is all too inevitable. At the end of the England innings, Geoff Boycott, to the delight of his colleagues, could be clearly heard on the microphone entering the box ready for his stint and exclaiming loudly “Rooooobish!!!” He was smartly directed by Ed Smith, who acted as his straight man and fed  him lines, while Sir Geoffrey vented steam, condemning the England batting performance. The fact that the TMS team knew that was coming and were hugging themselves with delight predicting his fury, only added to the fun.

As so often, Sir Geoffrey was absolutely right. Once the openers fell to a couple of really good deliveries, too many of the rest of the batsmen gave it away.

Conditions were perfect for bowling. The South African attack saw and understood the England mistakes and only some very determined batting, such as that on the third evening at Lord’s could have countered it. Facing the South Africans, an Alistair Cook who has been scoring runs for fun for Essex – 667 at 66.7, with three centuries and in Division 1 – so no one can say that he is not in prime form and Keaton Jennings, who had an extraordinary 2016 and a very successful winter, but who has struggled a little in the last couple of months, with just 2x50 in his last fifteen First Class innings. Twenty-five balls. Out to consecutive deliveries and England 3-2.

The knives are already out for Jennings. His triumphant start in India – a century and a fifty in his first two Tests – seem a long time ago. England fans are naught but fickle and, to them, a player is only as good as his last innings. Two failures and a modest score in the first two Tests and the fans see more than ample proof that he should never have been picked in the first place. And Jennings is followed by Gary Ballance, whose 815 runs at 101.9 for Yorkshire seem to convince no one that he is plausible England bat (the only player with more runs in Division 1 is some unknown called Sangakkarra). At Lord’s, Ballance produced just the sort of innings that England needed on the third evening to grind out runs in difficult conditions. Here, he did it again. Unfortunately, just as the ship seemed to be steadied, he wafted at the wrong ball: inside edge, back pad, off stump – indirect route, the sort of dismissal that if you are feeling in a charitable mood, everyone agrees that it was terribly unlucky because the ball could have gone anywhere. However, as it is Ballance and it was yet another unfulfilled innings: 20, 34 and now, 27. You get the feeling that even if he were to produce a fifty, or even a miraculous century in the second innings, his detractors would say that it in no way compensates his failures and they might well be right, but at least it would be a step in the right direction.

Joe Root seems to have taken on the idea that having the captaincy makes him Superman. Why else would he come in at 3-2 and hit a 40-ball fifty?

With Jonny Bairstow batting solidly at the other end and the innings prospering, you could see England getting close to or even overhauling the South African total. Root tried to whack one too many, Stokes prodded, Bairstow at least got a really good ball, Moeen self-destructed, as did Dawson. Broad was out-thought and Wood and Anderson were just defenceless. As collapses went, it was painful. There are times when judicious counter-attack will turn a match on its head. There are others where it is plain suicide and, in one session, England threw away the match.

We have played two days. No significant rain is expected before Wednesday. South Africa are 205 ahead and cruising. They could well wrap up this game tomorrow. Only if they are greedy and go for a huge lead, far past what is necessary, might the game go significantly into Monday. Already England would need to pass their first innings score to win. Stranger things have happened, but not often. England’s one, remote chance, is to take the remaining South African wickets for around sixty runs in the morning and get easier overhead conditions for batting after Lunch. It is hard to imagine that England can chase more than 280.

In the 1st Test, England got (almost) everything right and South Africa (almost) everything wrong. Here the roles have reversed: South Africa have done (almost) everything right and England (almost) everything wrong, right down to England making as awful use of reviews in this game as South Africa had in the 1st Test. Both sides are strangely vulnerable and the series may come down to which has fewer bad days.

2nd Test, Day 1: South Africa Toughen-Up

 

2^nd Test, Day 1: South Africa Toughen-Up

July 14^th 2017

The best possible news for England was that the South Africa of Faf du Plessis is a much tougher nut to crack than that of Dean Elgar. Joe Root had to think through how to break partnerships and how to take wickets when little was happening. He was fortunate to have some help because not all his answers to the questions posed by South Africa have pleased watchers. Basically, the mistakes that he got away with at Lord’s, he has not been allowed to get away with twice: at least, not so freely. This has been a learning experience.

However, you should never judge a game until both sides have batted – and sometimes not even then – and South Africa’s innings still has some time to run, despite what looked initially like being a post-Tea meltdown. With South Africa at 179-2 and cruising, despite losing an early wicket, Joe Root started to get a taste of life at the top when things are going wrong. With batting conditions expected to be best on Days 2 and 3 and their two best batsmen playing without concern, the shadow of a South African total of 500+ was writ large.

It would also have been deserved. In general England did not use the pitch or the conditions well. Trying to avoid over-pitching and giving free hits, they dropped a little too short and failed to threaten the stumps enough. When something happened it was either because (a) Stuart Broad had the ball and his understanding with the Nottingham turf gives him the right to take cheap wickets or, (b) a South African batsman threw it away.

Apart from England burning both their reviews early with bad reviews (a thick inside edge on a ball pitching outside off does not make for a great LBW candidate), the worst review of the day was still possibly South African, which took some doing today. With du Plessis and Bavuma seemingly consolidating after de Kock and Amla fell quickly after Tea, du Plessis gloved the ball down the leg side, Jonny Bairstow took a magnificent catch (not too many people moaning about his ‘keeping now, are there?) and du Plessis reviewed immediately. He may have thought that he had got away with it as the replays showed a big impact on the thigh-pad and the commentators gave the on-field decision as an error and started chatting about other things, until the TV umpire feed reported that Ultra Edge showed a clear noise and the close-up showed that the ball had hit the glove. You heard the TV Umpire tell the on-field umpire that there was glove, the commentators back-peddling furiously and then a certain satisfaction as the umpire was told that he was on camera and could stick with his decision. Discussion then turned to whether or not the captain’s gloves were so padded that he did not even notice when the ball hit him!

With six bowlers, someone was always going to going short on overs. Joe Root’s handling of his bowlers – and particularly of Moeen – needs some work. It did not go unnoticed that Liam Dawson got first use of the ball again, but that Moeen looked far more threatening and was more economical. The comment was made, and not for the first time, that Liam Dawson seemed to be being bowled to justify his being in the side. Mark Wood looked better and more threatening than in the 1^st Test, but there still seems to be a plan to bowl him back into form, even if it gives away cheap runs and Ben Stokes is Ben Stokes: two valuable wickets to leave South Africa 235-6 and struggling, but far too many cheap runs too. The seventh wicket stand is now 74 and growing alarmingly serenely. Thoughts of rolling South Africa for under 300 have gone and the batsmen must be thinking that if they can see off the first half hour, they could post a total of 450+ and present some real problems to England. If you are Joe Root that may be an uncomfortable thought to wake up to.

2nd Test Preview: 4-0? A bit premature!

 

2^nd Test Preview: 4-0? A bit premature!

July 13^th 2017

Some pundits have already come out and, predictably, gone for a 4-0 England win. However awful South Africa have been so far in England – and they have been pretty poor so far in all formats and in all competitions – they have not lost a series in England since the Mike Atherton heist in 1998. Since then, both England series wins have been in South Africa. South Africa have won twice in England and once at home and one series in each country has been shared. Since re-admission, South Africa have won 14 Tests and England 13, with 17 draws. Only in 2012 has the margin been more than one Test. In other words, even when, on paper, one side appeared to have a huge advantage, the series have ended up being very close. After two Tests of the 2003 series you would have backed South Africa to win 3-0 at least: somehow it ended up being 2-2.

While England are unchanged and look to have few, if any real issues, South Africa will have a different captain, the leader of their attack suspended and one of their key middle-order batsmen dropped. In fact, they are still not sure of the exact configuration of their XI.

Faf du Plessis returns, hopefully reassured of his wife’s wellbeing and faces the job of restoring some discipline and pride to a side that seemed to be thinking more of catching the next plane home  than of catching England cold. Their pre-Test fielding drills have been sloppy, their energy in the field, inexistent and they got just about everything wrong at Lord’s. It might yet be that the Lord’s match gave a false impression: one wonders if the roles would have been reversed had South Africa won the Toss and batted, but their surrender on the last afternoon was abject and the South African slump since losing the #1 ranking in Tests has been going on for two years now with no obvious signs of reversing.

England have the luxury of going into the Trent Bridge Test with four seamers and two spinners, knowing that they have an attack suited for all conditions. They know too that Chris Woakes and Jake Ball are nearing fitness and that Mark Wood can feel them breathing down his neck, which is an incentive for him to perform at his favourite ground.

If South Africa win the Toss and Faf du Plessis instils some discipline and fight in the side, England may yet have an unpleasant surprise.

Yet England have not lost at Trent Bridge for ten years: in fact, since India won in 2007. Since then they have won six of the seven Tests played in Nottingham, five of them by huge margins and then that amazing match in 2013 when Australia’s last pair almost saw them home. However, the problem with sequences like that is that they end sometime although, at the moment, England feel like supermen each time they turn up at Trent Bridge: they have won there both after winning the Toss and losing it, batting first and batting second. Right now they need to keep the initiative and keep South Africa down. Win and the best South Africa can do is share the series. Right now you would have to back England to go 2-0 up unless the weather intervenes.
 

England v South Africa: 1st Test, Day 4

 

Awful, Awful South Africa, Embarrassing Fans

July 9^th 2017

There was only one thing more painful than the performance of South Africa today and that was the opinion of many of the fans posting on social media. Brought up on the junk food of T20 cricket, the howls of protest at the solid start by Jennings and Cook turned into pure derision when, as wickets tumbled as soon as batsmen tried to force the pace, it was suggested, as the lead approached 250, that England might already be more than enough. “Get this clown off commentary and bring in a cricket expert” was one witty, but by no means unique, sally. What that particular poster would have thought a couple of hours later is not on record.

It was already clear on the evening of the third day that batting was becoming increasingly difficult and that scoring was hard work. There was variable bounce and some big turn. Anyone who thought that South Africa were going to chase 400 was ignoring reality. Quite apart from the fact that 300+ targets are rarely chased down in the fourth innings of a Test, the last time that a completed fourth innings at Lord’s passed 235 was in 2012 and, even then, it did not reach 300. Since then, the totals have been: 68, 235, 201-9, 223, 220, 103, 207 and, now, 119. Lord’s may serve up dead surfaces in the County Championship but, in Tests, successful fourth innings chases are becoming as rare as feathered unicorns.

England were approaching an unassailable position at 139-1 and then, finally, South Africa started to bowl better. When they did so the magnitude of their task when they had to bat themselves became evident. England started to try to force the pace and batting suddenly became a lottery. When England’s batting order melted away, you knew that unless de Kock or Amla played the innings of his life and made the majority of the runs, the chase, whenever it happened, would hopeless. Still the condemnation of England’s tactics and the celebration that Cook and Jennings were out to allow some proper batting to start rolled on. Later, Joe Root hailed Cook’s 69 as “probably worth double” and may still have sold him short. The top-order runs from Cook, Jennings and Ballance won the game for England: they put the game out of reach and broke South Africa.

When you are already facing the largest total to chase at Lord’s since the 1984 West Indians broke all records, the last thing that you need is the tail to wag: the 45 runs that Wood and Bairstow added were just adding insult to injury. England only needed to keep calm and to bowl well, which they did in spades.

One of the focal points for many was Moeen Ali. Often, despite his excellent fourth innings figures, fans claim that he fails to deliver when he needs to. Early breakthrough from Jimmy Anderson. Moeen is brought on with a still new ball and starts with a wicket maiden. 12-2 and South Africa were already fading fast.

Sometimes nice guys do do well and few will begrudge the fact that Moeen celebrated the Test in which he became the second fastest Englishman to 100 wickets and 2000 runs by destroying the South African top order and getting his name on the honours board. Few others will begrudge Liam Dawson, who had had a chastening Test so far (dismissed twice in four balls and, at times, roughly treated when bowling), the boost to morale that dismissing Hashim Amla will have given him. Yet still you feel that it will only take one Test in which he has a modest performance for the armchair experts to argue that Moeen “has demonstrated time and again that he is not good enough”. If he is not, what of others before him with similar, or poorer figures like Tony Greig and Trevor Bailey?

By 28-4 it was obvious that only a miracle could save South Africa and that the four-day result was coming into play. Watching Moeen scythe through the South African middle order like an angry Ninja was the best possible answer to those who have constantly questioned his right to a place in the side, derided his performances and stated smugly that England went into the Test without a front-line spinner. 6-53 in the innings, plus a catch. 10-112, 87 & 7 in the match. Only Joe Root scored more runs for either side in the match. Moeen took exactly half the South African wickets to fall. His was as complete a performance as you can hope to see. Back in his debut year Moeen was affectionately called “The Beard that is Feared”. Amla would have expected to take back that title but, in the end, Moeen gave the sort of whiskered performance  that even W.G. Grace might have struggled to emulate.

Vague, half serious speculation about a four-day finish became open thoughts of the extra half hour being requested and then, puzzled suggestions that it might not even be necessary. In the end, it was not even close to being required. 36.4 overs and South Africa’s suffering was over. In terms if balls bowled, it was the 39^th shortest completed fourth innings in the history of Test cricket and the 14^th shortest ever against England.

An indication of just how completely South Africa were outplayed is to look at the five highest scores in each of the two innings.

·       1^st innings: Root, 190; Moeen, 87; Bavuma, 59; Broad, 57; Stokes, 56.

·       2^nd innings: Cook, 69; Bairstow, 51; Ballance, 34; Jennings, 33; Wood, 28.

With the honourable exception of Bavuma, the best performers in both innings were all England batsmen. Eight South African batsmen passed 20; not one of them reached 60. For England the respective figures were nine and three. Too many South African batsmen got in, but did not make it count.

The 2^nd Test starts at Trent Bridge on Friday. South Africa have no more cricket between the Tests: not even a game in the nine days between the 2^nd and 3^rd Tests in which to re-group, score some runs and to regain confidence. It is assumed that England will now field an unchanged XI at Trent Bridge. South Africa must make room for Du Plessis and a replacement for the suspended Rabada. They will have to think about the balance of their attack: even before Philander’s injury he looked to be struggling to bowl as many overs as his team needed, putting more pressure on the rest of the attack. More than anything though, they need to find some answers. Losing the Toss at Lord’s did not help their cause – the rapidly declining successive innings totals of 458, 361, 233 and 119 make that clear – but South Africa did not help themselves with poor decisions and slovenly fielding. England could and probably should have been limited to under 300 in their first innings – had either of the chances that Root offered before reaching 15 been taken and the Broad LBW been reviewed, England might not have reached even 250. Quite possibly England would still have won if they had been bowled out for 280 in the first innings, but at least the margin of defeat for South Africa would have been smaller.

1st Test, Days 2 and 3: England Set to Win Despite Their Limitations

 

England Set to Win Despite Their Limitations

July 8^th 2017

Barring a miraculous revival from South Africa, Joe Root will start his captaincy career with a win. It is not completely impossible that the win will come on the fourth day. However, more than a reflection of how good England have been, what looks like being a thumping win looks more a reflection of how poor some of South Africa’s decisions and executions have been.

The 1^st Test is turning more into the battle of DRS than a cricket match. South Africa have come off second best almost every time that DRS has come into the picture (Keaton Jennings will wonder why he had to be the exception) and, when they have not been second best, they have been third best behind England and the umpires.

On Day 1, DRS revealed that two dismissals had come from No Balls. On Day 2 they would have dismissed Stuart Broad cheaply and probably ended the England innings quickly if they had used DRS. Instead, he blasted away for a fifty that took the game away from South Africa. On Day 3, while England made a clever and successful review despite Liam Dawson – who has looked somewhat unready for Test cricket – failing even to appeal for an LBW that was found to be plumb, South Africa blew both their reviews within 10 overs when England batted again.

That is not to say that Joe Root has always out-thought Dean Elgar. He has tended not to show sufficient faith in Moeen Ali, who has ended up being his most potent weapon, bowling Liam Dawson ahead of him on both Day 2 and Day 3. At times the attack looked far too toothless and the situation was allowed to drift. As the last two South African wickets edged them ever-closer to parity, Moeen was kept mostly out of the attack. He got just two overs as South Africa went from a decidedly wobbly 248-7 to a much healthier 361-9. During this period, the bowlers leaked runs to the tune of 113 in 24 overs and Mark Wood looked innocuous, before Moeen finally came back and ended the fun with a wicket-maiden in his first over back from exile in the outfield.

The England lead should have been around 150. As it was, it dropped under 100 and Graeme Smith, in the commentary box, was purring that if South Africa got to around 50 or 60 behind they would be right back in the game. The danger was that England would set out to attack with a lead of only 50, lose quick wickets and end up 30-4. Instead, England chose the more sadistic, more pragmatic approach. Knowing that South Africa were a bowler short and, with only three front-line bowlers, short on options and also that the bowlers had had a heavy first innings load – the lightest-used of the South African attack, Philander, bowled as many overs as the most heavily-used of the England attack – the South Africans were slowly ground down. In a compressed series, grinding-down and exhausting the opposition bowlers is part and parcel of the business. England are also wearing the pitch. The odd ball is already misbehaving: by Day 5 batting could well become really tricky.

216 ahead, with a lot of forcing batting to some, England can expect to declare around 400 ahead, after around 50 overs tomorrow, challenging South Africa to survive 130 overs to draw.

South Africa have only ever chased 300 to win twice, both times against Australia: in 2002 in Durban and in 2008 in Perth. They have batted out 130 overs to draw a match just 4 times. The chances are that unless someone can make a big hundred South Africa will lose.

A telling fact is that four South African batsmen passed 50, but not one reached 60. Four England batsmen passed 50 and, of them, Moeen made 87 and Root, 190. Five of the six highest scores in the match so far have been by England batsmen and that is killing the South African challenge.

Ps: South Africa’s record batting more than 100 overs (or its equivalent) in the fourth innings of a Test match has brought:

14 defeats, 8 draws & just 4 wins.

 

England v South Africa: 1st Test, 1st Day - Not bad for a first day at the office

 

Not Bad For a First Day at the Office

July 6^th 2017

The phony war of ODIs and T20s is over. Some players have even played some games for their counties – although the round of day-night pink-ball cricket inserted just before the 1^st Test has been declared a failure by just about everyone and was not great preparation, even for those who scored some runs, or took some wickets. The latest start to a Test summer in over 30 years, has begun.

For the record, England won the ODIs and the T20 series, although not without showing how infuriatingly inconsistent they can be, had one bad day in the Champions Trophy, which was saved for the Semi-Final and South Africa have had something close to the tour from hell. South Africa were so bad in the Champions Trophy that their eventual exit must have come as a relief. Their A side struggled on its parallel tour and, although South Africa won the 3^rd ODI and 2^nd T20 (both due to massive England implosions), they were generally completely outplayed overall.

The 1^st Test though has turned into more “Tales of the Unexpected” than “Great Expectations”, although the South Africans may have feared, not without reason that, rather than “Gods and Kings” their role would turn more into “Bleak House”.

Over the last few tours the visit of the South Africans has tended to produce more earthquakes in English cricket than the San Andres fault has produced in California. Their visit finished Nasser Hussain’s captaincy in 2003, Michael Vaughan’s in 2008 and Andrew Strauss’ in 2012 and went a long way to ending Kevin Pietersen’s spell in England colours. On this occasion, England have tried to buck the trend by appointing a new captain before the South Africa series rather than during or after it, although it was never the plan to elevate Joe Root so early and there must be some trepidation about making your best bat and key man in all three formats, captain of the Test side as well. There was always the fear that the load might be too much and that, with a tour of Australia approaching, that it could end in tears.

As it turns out, both Australia and South Africa have their issues. Not everyone is happy about the loads placed on them and South Africa’s most-feared batsman, ABdV, is already an absentee and expected to retire prematurely from Test cricket. Faf du Pleissis, his replacement, has family issues that have sent him home. Several bowlers, such as Dale Steyn are missing and, all in all South Africa look as vulnerable as they have looked for many years (NB: in 2003, they came with what many felt was a B-Team, under an inexperienced young captain, who then proceeded to finish several England careers with two double-centuries and a fifty in the first two Tests of the series). Australia have a players’ strike, have just cancelled the “A” tour and the tour to Bangladesh looks, right now, very uncertain to happen, with some even talking about the Ashes series itself being in danger: things in the Test world are looking very shaken-up right now.

Whatever issues South Africa have, England have their own. A raft of fast bowlers are either injured (Woakes, Ball, …) or just coming back from injury (Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad, Ben Stokes, …) The captain is wearing L-plates. And the brave idea to have a batting order consisting of Cook, Hameed, Jennings, Root, Bairstow, Stokes, Buttler, Ali… has floundered due to the dismal form of Haseeb Hameed since getting injury in the 3^rd Test in India and the fact that for all that he looks imperious in white-ball cricket, Jos Buttler is, more often than not, found out by the red (or pink) ball: his two innings, promoted up the order in the pink ball round to allow him to build an innings, were almost the briefest possible. Some writers have suggested that Hameed has been found out by English bowlers after a good first season but, in truth, his form through the winter was consistently dreadful over different tours and series and his medical issues not just limited to the broken hand. You feel for him, but something went horribly wrong and a Test series is no place to try to scratch around for some form.

England’s multiple issues led to some debatable, bordering on downright controversial, picks.

Despite the fact that, after an imperious start to the season, Keaton Jennings’ form has dipped alarmingly. He was the man in possession for the last two Tests in the winter, making a debut century and a fifty in the final Test and managed timely scores of 57 & 71 v South Africa A, followed by 39 against South Africa. However, there are many who think that Stoneman was unlucky, having moved from Durham to Surrey in the hope of a Test debut and various others have been suggested based on excellent county form this season.

Gary Ballance has had his second coming and is now onto a third and surely final opportunity. His form this season, in a stuttering Yorkshire side, has been nothing short of brilliant. However, after one of the great Test starts, he has not passed 20 in his last 7 Test innings and, having averaged 49.0 in his first 11 Tests, averages 18.7 in his last 11, with just 2x50 in his last 13 Tests. Yet it is Gary Ballance who has had to take on the hoodoo #3 slot earmarked for Keaton Jennings. Number 3 for England seems to have been a problem as long as I can remember. Back in Mike Brearley’s day, comedian John Cleese (yes, the Python) suggested numbering the position “2A” on the scorecard, but even then it was an old issue, going back at least to the Caribbean tour of 1974.

Further down the order, the expected return of Liam Plunkett has not happened, despite his excellent white-ball form. Adil Rashid has been consigned to the outer darkness again, once more despite some solid and occasionally destructive, performances with the white ball and the winner has been Liam Dawson.

The Dawson selection reminds you of when the wrong name was read out at the Oscars. Or when the Australians allegedly picked Peter Taylor thinking that they had picked Mark Taylor. Dawson is not even the first spinner for Hampshire – their go-to man is Mason Crane – and was sent to India late in the tour presumably to gain some experience before the inadequacies of others led to him receiving a quite unexpected call-up for the final Test. With Dawson announced as being in the XI ahead of the day, the media could trumpet England playing two specialist spinners in the Lord’s Test for the first time in decades. Others, more sceptical, suggested that Moeen Ali and Liam Dawson can in no way be described as a specialist spin attack. Although Liam Dawson did not let anyone down with a good 70 and some containing bowling, his is hardly an attacking selection. However, after the selection of Gareth Batty was shown to be a bizarre error – he hardly took a wicket during the second half of the season – and Zafar Ansari suddenly retired from cricket – having also shown himself to be far from the required level (although, at least with the valid excuse of the harm done by serious injuries in the previous two years) and Jack Leach at Somerset still coming to terms with a re-modelled action, maybe it was the best of a bad set of options.

Something odd happened to England’s spinners last winter. It may not be coincidence that Adil Rashid’s form slumped at the same time that Moeen Ali’s did.

After 4 Tests of the winter tour, Moeen Ali had 18 wickets at 27.3: healthy figures to say the least against spin specialists. In the last 3 Tests of the series he took just 3 wickets at 136.7.

After 5 Tests of the winter tour, Adil Rashid had 25 wickets at 29.0: again, a very healthy performance. In the last 2 Tests though he managed just 5 wickets at 69, with match figures of an eye-watering 4-192 and 1-153.

Whatever the cause of that slump, Adil Rashid has paid the price and after 10 Tests over 3 series, 49 ODIs and 23 T20s since 2009, is still to play a Test at home.

So, England fans had plenty of reasons to view the first day and the series with some trepidation. More so when, in less than an hour, it was 49-3. Jennings was unlucky, not to mention sold down the river by the non-striker (Gary Ballance). “Don’t bother to review it, Jet. You’re plumb dead!”. What Jennings did not know was that the ball had pitched outside leg AND was missing the stumps for good measure. With a start like that, Gary Balance owed England a few runs: he did manage to get into double figures for the first time in eight innings before a dismissal that brought dejá vu all round, as his went onto the back foot in front of the stumps, forgot that he had brought a bat with him and reviewed hesitantly after giving the umpire trigger-finger practice: his main hope may have been that the ball was burrowing under the stumps…

Fortunately England are made of sterner stuff now, and just as well. Two or three years ago 49-3 might have become 130ao. Despite Bairstow going cheaply too, 76-4 became 357-5 at the Close, with South Africa a dreadful three overs short despite an extra half hour.

The lesson for South Africa is that when you have your foot on the throat you don’t miss the opposition’s gun batsman badly twice. It might also be as well to remind the bowlers that there is no point bowling your best delivery when you have overstepped: two bad drops, two clean-bowled from no balls. Thanks very much!

After three lives, two of them before reaching double figures, Joe Root looks set for a double century. Stokes and Moeen have added 50s. England have scored at 4.1 an over despite being in strife all morning and Philander finishing with 16-2-46-3 (just 19 scoring strokes off him) and South Africa’s efforts in the field have looked slovenly, lacked energy and their heads have dropped.

If early breakthroughs with the still new ball can be avoided, 450 should be passed, 500 beckons and, with it, South Africa playing for a draw at best. From an England point of view, one hopes that the South African feeling that this is the “tour from hell” will continue for a while longer. England will, quite reasonably, hope to bat until Tea, at which point they may well be out of sight.